Writing action scenes can be downright murderous. A million things are happening at once and we have to tell it all word by word by word, left to right across a blank page. Unlike TV and the big screen, we don’t have music, lighting, camera angles, or audio to delivery our action. We don’t have movement, costumes, or set designs like theatre has. We don’t have differing brush strokes and a palette of colours like the painter. We have words. Words and punctuation, and if we have a magnanimous editor, perhaps the odd bold or italic and maybe even an exclamation mark.
So how can we effective transcribe an action scene?
Tip #1: Use short sentences. I was surprised to learn this. It goes against instinct.
If a million things are happening and everything is quickly changing as one thing is leading to another and then he grabs her and next he throws her onto the bed while her friend runs for help—an author can’t help but want to get it all down without stopping and breathing….
A million things are happening. He grabs her and tosses her to the bed. Agatha runs for help. The short sentences speed up the writing. The periods add punch. There is no doubt in the reader’s mind that this page has action.
Tip #2: Within sentences, write things in the order they occur. What this does is allow readers to form continuous streams of visual images from your words. If the reader has to go back and correct their mental images to add new information, it slows the pace of the story and may become so distracting that readers will abandoned your story.
The lead pencil broke because she was pushing so hard on it.
She pushed so hard on the pencil, the lead broke.
The dog barked and barked and barked as soon as the coyotes started howling.
When the coyotes started howling, the dog began to bark (and bark and bark).
Tip #3: scrap the words “then” “as” “next” “while” to indicate the order of action. If you diligently follow tip #2, this tip will be easy to follow. Readers will get used to your rhythm and understand that things are following chronologically. You therefore don’t need those words.
He grabbed her and then threw her onto the bed after she said, “I don’t love you.” Meanwhile, Agatha ran for help.
“I don’t love you,” she said. He threw her onto the bed. Agatha ran for help.
Tip #4: To keep your writing tight, the action moving, the emotion intense-- watch diligently for repeated words, unnecessary words, “ing words”, and clichés.
He threw her [down] onto the bed. Then bend[ing] [down] over her, he said [as cool as a cucumber], “I don’t love you, either.”
He threw her onto the bed and bent over her. His eyes narrowed. His brows lifted. His lips slowly parted. “I don’t love you, either.”
Tip # 4: Choose your point of view and stick with it—if not for the entire scene, at least for a reasonable amount of time. This will allow your readers to create those continuous visual images and also encourages your readers to connect deeply with the character through which they are experiencing the action.
She stared into his eyes, terrified. He was wondering what he should do next. Agatha was sure the police would arrive to find blood.
Terrified, she stared into his eyes. She thought she saw a flicker of uncertainty behind the blue. Perhaps, she wasn’t going to die.
If you have an action scene as your opening chapter, boy—do you have your work cut out for you!
Coming next…the challenges involved in writing an opening chapter.
Eileen Schuh,Canadian writerwww.eileenschuh.com
Showing posts with label cliches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cliches. Show all posts
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
5 Tiny Tips
I was told that authors’ blogs, in addition to promoting their books and skills, generally provide tips to writers. However, as I have not succeeded in publishing a novel I was reluctant to offer advice. Surely, I thought, my readers would rightfully question my qualifications. Perhaps they’d be inclined to do the opposite of what I suggest, believing that doing so would give them a better chance at a successful writing career.
However, yesterday as I read the opening chapters of novel submissions on the Harper Collins Authonomy website ( http://www.authonomy.com ) it struck me that I’ve learned a fair amount in the past few months. A lot of it simple stuff, but stuff that makes a manuscript shine. Stuff that makes readers/agents/editors choose one story over the thousands out there.
I was once, not too long ago, of the opinion that if one wrote a great story, with a great plot and awesome characters, publishers would buy it and pay an editor to fix up one's writing. Needless to say, I’ve changed my mind. To catch anybody’s eye, one’s writing must shine. It must glisten.
Excellent, powerful, polished writing is more likely to garner a publishing contract than great plots and loveable characters.
Why? Pretend you are an editor with five hundred manuscript submissions on your desk. Or, imagine you’re a reader in a bookstore, thumbing through books looking for one to buy. You choose one and open it to the first page:
Okay. So you might be really interested in why Eileen thinks she’s special and what Cheryl said to piss her off. But the writing…is awful!
Five simple things that I’ve learned lately:
#1: use ‘ing’ words sparingly. Although there is nothing intrinsically or grammatically wrong with them, too many slow the pace of the story. I'm speaking of 'ing' words like turning (2), heading, stepping, talking, placing, rising… (Wow! Seven out of the 62 words in the above excerpt are ‘ing’ words.)
#2: watch for repetition of words (In the above four sentences, I twice used ‘turning’ and ‘around’)
#3: get rid of useless words (people can turn instead of turning around. They can rise instead of rising up)
#4: replace clichés with wonderful, powerful phrases that are uniquely yours. For 50 years your readers have been imagining angry wet hens. Today, they pick up your story wanting to experience novelty, participate in adventure, live in a world different than the one with angry hens--the one in which they’ve been living for 50 years.
#5: Within a sentence, tell your readers things in the order that they happened. Readers are using your words to create images in their minds. A good writer ensures her readers can proceed smoothly from one image to the next without having to re-create images to accommodate new information.
So, you set that book down, pick up the next one, open it to the front page and start reading. (Instead of “You start reading the front page of the next book, having set the first one down and opened the second.”)
Same story. Same characters. Same setting. Fifty-six vs 62 words. (That would be a difference of six thousand or more words over the length of a novel) Which story would you choose to read?
I invite you to peruse the many novels on the Harper Collins Authonomy website. This site provides writers a great opportunity to study the differences between well-written manuscripts and novice attempts. Anybody can read the books posted by authors. If you register, you can also vote and leave comments.
I'd love you to read the opening chapters of my novel, FIREWALLS, on Authonomy. Let me know what you think: http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=18428
______________________________________________
"He said...She said...They said & we wept--Excuse me, ma’am, your dialogue tags are showing."
Some more tips for the novice writer coming soon!
Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer
www.eileenschuh.com
However, yesterday as I read the opening chapters of novel submissions on the Harper Collins Authonomy website ( http://www.authonomy.com ) it struck me that I’ve learned a fair amount in the past few months. A lot of it simple stuff, but stuff that makes a manuscript shine. Stuff that makes readers/agents/editors choose one story over the thousands out there.
I was once, not too long ago, of the opinion that if one wrote a great story, with a great plot and awesome characters, publishers would buy it and pay an editor to fix up one's writing. Needless to say, I’ve changed my mind. To catch anybody’s eye, one’s writing must shine. It must glisten.
Excellent, powerful, polished writing is more likely to garner a publishing contract than great plots and loveable characters.
Why? Pretend you are an editor with five hundred manuscript submissions on your desk. Or, imagine you’re a reader in a bookstore, thumbing through books looking for one to buy. You choose one and open it to the first page:
“I don’t believe you said that,” Eileen said, turning around and heading toward the door. She was as angry as a wet hen.
“You better believe it,” Cheryl said, rising up and stepping toward her from behind her rich, red mahogany desk.
“You do realize who you are talking to?” Eileen asked, placing her hand around the brass doorknob and turning it.
Okay. So you might be really interested in why Eileen thinks she’s special and what Cheryl said to piss her off. But the writing…is awful!
Five simple things that I’ve learned lately:
#1: use ‘ing’ words sparingly. Although there is nothing intrinsically or grammatically wrong with them, too many slow the pace of the story. I'm speaking of 'ing' words like turning (2), heading, stepping, talking, placing, rising… (Wow! Seven out of the 62 words in the above excerpt are ‘ing’ words.)
#2: watch for repetition of words (In the above four sentences, I twice used ‘turning’ and ‘around’)
#3: get rid of useless words (people can turn instead of turning around. They can rise instead of rising up)
#4: replace clichés with wonderful, powerful phrases that are uniquely yours. For 50 years your readers have been imagining angry wet hens. Today, they pick up your story wanting to experience novelty, participate in adventure, live in a world different than the one with angry hens--the one in which they’ve been living for 50 years.
#5: Within a sentence, tell your readers things in the order that they happened. Readers are using your words to create images in their minds. A good writer ensures her readers can proceed smoothly from one image to the next without having to re-create images to accommodate new information.
So, you set that book down, pick up the next one, open it to the front page and start reading. (Instead of “You start reading the front page of the next book, having set the first one down and opened the second.”)
“I don’t believe you said that!” Eileen shouted. She spun away and headed to the door. The acrid scent of anger trailed her.
Cheryl slowly rose and stepped from behind her rich, red mahogany desk. “You better believe it.”
Eileen paused, her fingers wrapped tightly around the brass knob. “You do realize to whom you’re talking?”
Same story. Same characters. Same setting. Fifty-six vs 62 words. (That would be a difference of six thousand or more words over the length of a novel) Which story would you choose to read?
I invite you to peruse the many novels on the Harper Collins Authonomy website. This site provides writers a great opportunity to study the differences between well-written manuscripts and novice attempts. Anybody can read the books posted by authors. If you register, you can also vote and leave comments.
I'd love you to read the opening chapters of my novel, FIREWALLS, on Authonomy. Let me know what you think: http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=18428
______________________________________________
"He said...She said...They said & we wept--Excuse me, ma’am, your dialogue tags are showing."
Some more tips for the novice writer coming soon!
Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer
www.eileenschuh.com
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