Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Trash and treasures

Most couples feel compelled to justify their purchases to their partner. I’m compelled to justify what I throw out. I’m getting better at. I’ve learned the following justifications are not acceptable:
It’s broken.
It’s stale-dated.
It no longer fits.

Here are some justifications that work better:
“I burn my hands drinking coffee from a mug without a handle”
“Penicillin comes from mold on bread, not milk.”

“Yes, clogs may come back in style, but by then I’ll be too old to safely walk in them.”
“My crotch gets cold if the zipper in my jeans doesn't stay up.”

“I don’t own a sewing machine.”
“It takes me too long to get dressed in the morning if I have to decide which foot will get the mismatched sock.”

“Super glue becomes toxic if used in the excessive quantities needed to mend a glass-top table.”
“A new one is only 99 cents at the dollar store.”

“I googled it—they don’t make parts for it anymore.”
“Someone told me it was a part from a sex toy. Do you know what it is?”

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