He said...She said...They said & we wept--Excuse me, ma’am, your dialogue tags are showing.
Someone criticized my example of bad writing in my 5 Tiny Tips blog. He said it was ‘contrived’.
Until that, I had been so proud of myself for coming up with four sentences that demonstrated five common writing errors—yet still made sense. *sigh* I promise I’ll write badly much better this time.
Dialogue tags refer to who is saying what and dialogue beats are words describing how they are saying it. Tags and beats glue written conversations to the story and sometimes serve to advance the plot and enhance the characters.
I use lots of dialogue in my novels and I’ve been criticised for not having enough tags and also for having too many. It’s more common for editors to complain about too many tags. Leave it up to me, though, to do the uncommon.
“Don’t go!” he said. The simple “he said”/”she said” is touted as one of the best tags, if one must use tags. It is basically invisible to the reader. That is, it doesn’t interfere with the flow of images that the written words are creating in readers’ minds. I’m not as enthralled with the ‘he/she said’ as the experts. To me, this sentence needs more than just an exclamation mark to convey its meaning. It says more if I add a beat, like ‘warned’ to the tag.
“Don’t go!” he warned. “Don’t go!” he shouted. “Don’t go!” he screamed. “Don’t go!” he ordered. Warned, shouted, screamed, and ordered are distinct behaviours. They contain important information that will make a big difference to a reader’s understanding of the story.
“Don’t go,” he screamed. The common advice I’ve received is that if I tell you he screamed I don’t need an exclamation mark. However, in my opinion, deleting the exclamation mark in favour of the beat, delays the emotional connotation too long. By the time readers get to the ‘screamed’ part of the sentence, they’ve already heard the words in their heads—and without an exclamation mark it’s not likely they’ve imagined that the words were spoken loudly. One thing that really frustrates readers is being forced to revise their mental images. Readers want their images to unfold smoothly—like movies playing in their heads.
Purists hate exclamation marks, but how else can I reveal the angst and anger driving my characters’ conversations? How can I accurately describe to my readers, the words of men who have booming, reverberating, baritone voices?
Rearranging the sentence might work to delete the dreaded exclamation mark. What do you think? Which reads smoothest?
He screamed, “Don’t go.”
He screamed, “Don’t go!”
Despite the common advice to severely limit dialogue tags, beats and exclamation marks, I use them. Like I said, a large part of my story telling is done with dialogue and it is imperative I convey the emotional intensity accompanying the words.
“Don’t go,” she pleaded.
“Don’t go,” he whispered.
“Don’t! Go!”
Describing nonverbal communication behaviours is a technique that can be used as an alternative to beats. Many prefer these descriptions to beats, and use them exclusively, believing this technique fulfills the writer’s mandate to show, not tell.
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Don’t go.”
He clenched his fists and stepped between her and the door. “Don’t go!”
He grabbed her elbow. “Don’t go.”
Whatever your personal beliefs about tags and beats, keep in mind that few things annoy readers more than having to count back through sentences to determine which person is saying what. If a conversation is lengthy and you don’t want to use tags, please use something to clue me in about who is speaking.
He grabbed her elbow. “Don’t go.” (indicating gender can be a clue)
“But, Charles, you know that I must.” (name-dropping works)
“That ain’t true.” (dialects are a dead give-away)
“It is.” She wiped a curl from her cheek. (This is an example of an ‘action tag’. Be wary of using too many action tags. They can exhaust readers and detract from the dialogue.)
He limped to the window and stared at the traffic below. “Don’t go.” (For variety, throw in some physical clues, habits, scents, etc.)
In a roomful of men, perhaps one smokes, one has a beard, one an accent—distinctive characteristics that can be woven into the conversation in lieu of dialogue tags. “Don’t go.” A puff of blue smoke followed his words across the room.
I suggest writers quit worrying about the prevalence, benefits, or detriments of dialogue tags and beats and just make sure their writing (whether it is dialogue or otherwise) includes a variety of sentence structures and minimal word repetition. Those two things, more than all else, will ensure their writing flows.
“That’s it for this blog,” Eileen said. She glanced at her watch and grimaced. “I must get to bed before the sun rises.”
Help! So much is happening all at once and I have to translate it one word at a time...
Some tips on writing effective action scenes...coming soon.
Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer
www.eileenschuh.com
