Fear

Fear

Some say it's global warming, and others blame El Nino. Whatever it is, this winter has been a write-off for winter sports. Us northern Albertans are used to snowdrifts over our heads and -40C/F plus windchill. Instead we had no snow until Christmas, received January rain, and had several big melts throughout the winter.

Few are complaining, but it's made things challenging for those of us who enjoy playing in the snow. I tell people I finally got all the toys--the skis, the ice-fishing gear, the snow blower, snowmobile--and then they took away winter.

So I was excited last week when we got a few centimeters of fresh powder. I strapped on the skis, whistled for the dogs and away I went. If it had snowed a foot, things might have been perfect, but as it was, with little more than a skiff, the crusty ruts from the previous week's rain and thaw kept grabbing at my skis and my poles. Down I went.

Again. And again.

The first time I fell--okay, I might have justifiably blamed the weather. The second third and fourth time, though, it was pure and utter fear that had me windmilling down the slopes. As soon as my skis made a zinging noise instead of a soft shuffle, down I went.

Fear. Wow, can it ever keep one from one's goals, eradicate self confidence. Injure and maim. Fear is so instinctive and necessary for survival, it's one of the hardest emotions to control. Sometimes we are not even aware that it is our own fear behind our problems. It would've been easy to convince myself it was the snow conditions that were keeling me over and I might have stuck with that story if I hadn't proved to myself otherwise.

I spent quite a while smoothing out the trail in the trouble spots. I used my skis to flatten the ridges, get rid of the crust, and soften the snow. I skied back and forth over the area to define the safe path to follow.

And that's the first step we should always take when battling fear. Once we identify our problem as fear, we ought to do what we can change the situation that we are finding frightening.

Unfortunately, my work on the trail was not enough. As I came down the hill the second time, the memory of my fall was etched so deeply, my anticipation of failure was so ingrained, in exactly the same spot, I was down again.

Angry at myself and nursing a sore wrist, a bruised shoulder, and a sprained ankle, I headed home to leave it for another day to try. Throughout the afternoon and evening, I visualized myself going down that slope successfully, as I'd done so many times before that first fall. I blocked out the sound of my skis which seemed to somehow feed the fear. My eyes, on the path. Believing in me. Believing in my skis. Feeling the balance, the thrill, the success.

And that's the second thing we should do when battling fear, realize that the past is long gone and events or situations that might have led to previous failures, no longer exist. To overcome fear, we must visualize ourselves conquering it. We must focus on the positive results we want.

If every time I stand at the top of that hill, I remember falling at that one special spot half-way down, if I train my eyes on the trampled snow that bears witness to my failure, if I think about the pain and bruises as I head down that slope...we all know what is going to happen.

If you are not achieving what you want to achieve, investigate whether it is fear holding you back. Are you afraid of success? Are you holding onto the past? Are you imagining failure instead of success? Are you blaming circumstances instead of taking responsibility? Are you doing what you can to resolve the issues frightening you?

I have to stand at the top of that hill and look way down the trail, to the bottom and beyond. I have to keep my eyes on the path my skis have made for me. I have to conjure the whisper of my skis on the snow, anticipate a lovely, graceful slide down the trail, further and farther, coming to a stop slowly, gently. Upright. Successful. Free! Free of fear.

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Brought to you by FATAL ERROR - one mistake and someone dies. 

Eileen Schuh, Author
DISPASSIONATE LIES
FIREWALLS
FATAL ERROR
Schrödinger's Cat
THE TRAZ

FOCUS!

"I found the tree!" my friend shouted. She was behind me as we skiied the trails on my acreage. These are not groomed trails and definitely not engineered and safety-approved ones. They are rough and ragged, 'as-the-coyote-meanders'-type trails, up and down hills and through the forest.

I knew exactly which 'tree' my friend had found. I'd 'found' it myself many times--kissed it hello with a ski on each side and my arms around its middle.

Then I learned a vital lesson and never hit it again. When cross country skiing you must, above all else, focus on where you want to go. For if you lift your eyes from the trail for so much as a quick glance at that tree, you'll ski right into it.

It's strange, but true, how expertly the eye leads the body. I learned I did not have to concentrate on leaning or braking or putting my pole down, in order to navigate that winding downhill slope. I simply have to keep my eyes on the trail.

This blog of course, is not a cross-country ski lesson. It's a driving lesson.

I remember when teaching my kids to drive, their difficulty mastering a series of highway curves on the way to our lake lot. They wobbled across the centre line, the shoulder line, hit the brakes...totally panicked if a vehicle came the other way.

"Just keep your eyes on where you want to go," I told them. "Look at your lane as far ahead as you can see. Don't look at the lines, or the ditch, or the pond. And for heaven's sake don't look at that car coming towards us!" Sure enough, not only can one's eyes direct one's body through ski trails in a forest, they can also direct a car around curves.

This is an important fact to remember if you're ever faced with a sudden obstacle while driving. Don't look at the obstacle, you'll hit it--whether it be a box, a deer or a child. Look at the path you need to take to avoid it.

Of course, this blog isn't a ski lesson or a driving lesson.

This blog is a life lesson.

What are you focused on?

* * * *

FOCUS has been brought to you by:

 DISPASSIONATE LIES

“Such amazing writing”

“after the first few chapters...became hooked”

" drama, intrigue..."

"it will surprise, titillate and fascinate you" 

Eileen Schuh, Author
DISPASSIONATE LIES
FIREWALLS
FATAL ERROR
Schrödinger's Cat
THE TRAZ

Why I like x-country skiing...

"Why I like xcountry skiing" is brought to you by

DISPASSIONATE LIES

A winter scene excerpted from this thriller:

  

She kicked off the covers and hit the remote control by the pillow. The blinds slowly lifted. Wave after white wave of snow, sculpted overnight by the wind, fluted the street and the prairie beyond. The distant mountains were bathed in bright sunlight—crystalline peaks against a cerulean sky.

The snow would likely be gone by tomorrow; a Colorado winter was silent snow sweeping in from the Rockies one day then disappearing beneath a Chinook the next. 

Ladesque set her feet on the floor. What was it she wanted to do? Visit the Rockies? Get into the tenth floor vault? Go through some more of her mother’s stuff? Perhaps a note that explained the coded entries in the diary...

Today I will...

For those of you fascinated by the life of an author, here’s a detailed account of what I’ll be doing today (provided I get off the social networks and finish this blog up quickly.)

I’ve joined forces with other Imajin Books authors who write young adult books for a week-long online promotion in May. This means I must write a few guest blogs to share on the others’ sites as well as write one for mine. I must also design some promotional tweets that Imajin Books, the other participating authors, and I can post during that week.  I will be promoting The Traz School Edition.

I just got confirmation that I, along with 2 other authors, will be doing a panel presentation on “self-publishing” at the Northern Lights Library System conference in the fall. I must start collaborating with the other authors on the topics we want to discuss, resources we may want to use, the format we wish to follow, etc. 

I need to apply to Access Copyright for my payback claim (token reimbursement for my books that are in libraries, schools, and such.)

I need to update my daytimer, noting all the “save-the-date” wedding invites I’ve received (it appears to be the year of love), the May promo, the September conference...etc.

At some point I need to run to the bank and deposit a cheque I received for an autographed book I mailed to a fan.

I need to get a hold of the Co-op Gas Bar manager as it appears all my books that he lets me put by his tills have been sold. I’ll need payment and (hopefully) permission to restock.

In real life, I must book both my dogs in for a shave (they don’t know that even though it is April, it is not spring and therefore not time to shed like crazy and grow mats on their bellies and behind their ears).  That reminds, I need to get my hair trimmed and 'lightened' (i.e. get rid of the grey). I need to phone a different groomer to book that appointment. :)

 

I must type up the minutes of last night’s meeting. I was happy that curling was over and I’d have my evenings free until I realized my charities have their annual meetings in the evenings this time of year. If I join an organization, I inevitably get voted in as Secretary because I write, they say.

I must phone my sister to check on the health of her and her family and also answer the letter my 85 year old uncle wrote me. (What a sweet heart—a four page, handwritten letter all about his kids, grandkids, great grandkids and himself.)

Got a notice my dogs are due for their annual vet checkup and shots, so need to set up that appointment.

I need to go for a quiet ski in the forest and try hard to appreciate the beauty of a heavy April snowfall...

None of this of course will happen until I finish my Bubble Shooter game...

Eileen Schuh, Author
FATAL ERROR
Schrödinger's Cat
THE TRAZ

The life of an author...

I don’t think there much commonality between the everyday lives of authors, not any more so than the lives of doctors or lawyers. Except for the fact that we wear pyjamas a lot and are usually awake and working after midnight and spend a lot of time worrying about our mental health, and such.
_________________

FATAL ERROR on Amazon

But here’s how my day has panned out so far. You can see if it compares at all to yours.

I spend several hours creating and scheduling promotional tweets for the busy upcoming Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales that the Americans love. Since I have four books to promote and two twitter accounts to fill, that took a long time. I saved all the tweets I created because I intend to reuse them for next year’s post-U.S. Thanksgiving sales-arama.

I spent a few minutes re-watching my first-ever appearance on YouTube MY THANKSGIVING and responding to comments about the video clip. My friends and fans were generally complimentary about my rudimentary acting skills. My family? Not so much. I keep checking the YouTube “views” counter. At 92 views by mid-morning, I’ve come to concede that it’s not likely to go viral.

 

Every hour or so I check my Amazon sales ranking on all four books and check for new reviews. Today, my sales rankings are all slightly better than yesterday and there are no new reviews. Maybe this afternoon.

It’s past noon and I’m still in my pj’s for two legitimate reasons. The first being I’m not feeling well and the second being I keep longingly looking out the window at the freshly fallen snow thinking I want to go for a cross-country ski before I shower and get dressed.

I have open on my computer, the press release I’m working on. My daughter is on the other end of my cyberline using her PR expertise to help me—between diaper changes, feedings, naps, and scoldings.  I want to announce to the local media the release of FATAL ERROR, my upcoming author presentation at the library, and my scheduled presentation at the Alternate Education Centre.

Also open is my middle grade novel that my beta readers are pestering me to get published.  I spend yesterday researching possible homes for RAINBOW, and now want to do one final read-through/edit before preparing the submission.

I will have to do up several different pitches/cover letters/ resumes/ etc. to go along with the manuscript to ensure I meet each publishers’ differing submission guidelines. Only one publisher on my list of possibilities accepts e-submissions. This means I will have to do a lot of printing and packaging and spending-of-dollars-on-postage as well.

 

My Christmas cards are calling to me to get addressed so this morning I confirmed that I have printer labels—wouldn’t want to have to go back to hand-addressing them. I also need to draft up my annual Christmas message to include in the cards. I will remember to mention I was gifted two brand new granddaughters in 2012, released a new book, and am grieving the loss two family matriarchs. I will likely cry when I write that letter, somewhat like what is happening as I write this.

I will post this to my blog and then go for a ski. I need the fresh air and excerise, and the solitude and peace of a snow-bound forest.

Eileen Schuh, Author
FATAL ERROR
Schrödinger's Cat
THE TRAZ
www.eileenschuh.com