Friday, October 12, 2012

FATAL ERROR - Now on Amazon!

What does an author do on the day of her book’s release? As with many aspects of a writer’s psyche and behaviour, my response to this day may seem...a little odd, perhaps.

Kindle Price: $3.99 includes free international wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
Kindle Price: £2.54 includes VAT* & free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet

Firstly, I clicked the Amazon link my publisher emailed me-- to confirm she wasn’t lying about FATAL ERROR being available. This despite the fact she has never lied to me before and has no motive to lie to me now.

I then stare at the Amazon page for 3 minutes. Still disbelieving, I hit purchase and download it to my Kindle. Ah ha...FATAL ERROR magically appears on the eReader in my hand. (I’m a baby boomer, so yes, this is magical.) And, almost simultaneously, the invoice for it magically appears in my inbox.

Then...well, it’s kind of like getting a positive pregnancy test result (not that that has happened to me in decades). I do nothing, wallowing in this secret knowledge, savouring it.  I do that for about 10 minutes. Then, (still like the pregnancy test scenario) I try to decide who to tell first. In my mind, I rehearse my announcement. I create a list of those to tell and beside the names, note how I will tell email? Facebook?

Then I savour that list for 10 minutes.

Then I realize that for some very good--well, at least some very ‘cleverly-designed’--reasons I do not have my blogs, guest blogs, tweets, or other promo materials ready! About then I notice my craft bag in the corner and realize that in just a few short weeks my next grandbaby will be here and I haven’t started that crocheted bunting bag. I have the Mary Maxim pattern, bought the wool... I rummage through the bag to make sure it is all still there (although in my entire life nobody has ever taken anything from my craft bag and would have no motive to do so now). I confirm that I did buy the colours I want.

Knit Snuggle Bag & Hat  (99791999)

I go back to my computer and visit Amazon again. I decide to announce the release to my fans on my facebook author page. I do so. I then try to check my email and realize Yahoo has locked me out of my account (possibly because I switched to a new laptop so they think I’m not me. This has happened before. Their motive is to prevent strangers from hacking into my email account—which has also happened before.) I fight for an hour to try to reset my password, to no avail. I find an emergency contact email address for Yahoo service and fire off a pleasantly-worded letter of protest and plead for immediate assistance. I get an auto-reply email saying I’m locked out until this time tomorrow. I check my hotmail and gmail accounts and receive my facebook congratulatory messages. I do some more wallowing.

I realize it is noon and I’m still in my pjs and have not eaten anything yet. I spend 5 minutes deciding which is my priority. I opt for the shower and dressing. Just as I step out of the shower, my daughter phones, congratulating me on the release and filling me with wonderful grandbaby stories while I attempt to keep my towel wrapped around my sensitive parts. I give up, hit the speaker button on the receiver and pretend I’m listening to her as I rummage in my closet for clothes.

The phone call ends and I’m dressed...but still hungry. I remember the leftover chilli and bee-line it for the kitchen.  I stuff the chilli in the micro and return to my computer, try once more to hack into my yahoo email, all the while wishing Katrina, the young protagonist of FATAL ERROR and computer geek extraordinaire, could pop out of my books and help me solve this issue. I click on the Amazon link to my new book once more and stare at the cover. I really like the cover.  The micro dings and I head back to the kitchen.

As I eat I ponder my next moves. I will write a couple of blogs, design some tweets, post notices to my online groups, email my real-life buddies, replace my profile pic with a cover shot of FATAL ERROR...right after I check that craft bag, one more time.

Eileen Schuh, Canadian Author


THE TRAZ in the UK


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