Top Tips for Novice Novelists: Dialogue Tags

He said...She said...They said & we wept--Excuse me, ma’am, your dialogue tags are showing.

Someone criticized my example of bad writing in my 5 Tiny Tips blog. He said it was ‘contrived’. Until he said that, I had been so proud of myself for coming up with four sentences that illustrated five common writing errors—yet still made sense. *sigh*

I promise I’ll write badly much better this time.

I am deleting my definitions of dialgue tags, action tags, dialogue beats, and action beats since there appears to be much disagreement over this. Suffice to say, I am talking about the words writers use to describe who is saying something and how they are saying it. These words are used to glue written conversations to the story and sometimes to advance the plot and reveal characters.

I use lots of dialogue in my novels. Years ago an editor criticized my lack of diaglogue tags. It is more common for editors to complain about too many tags. Leave it up to me, though, to do the uncommon.

I must have over-compensated, because I now get criticised for using too many tags.

“Don’t go!” he said. The simple “he said”/”she said” is touted as one of the best tags, if one must use tags. It is basically invisible to the reader. That is, it doesn’t interfere with the flow of images that the written words are creating in readers’ minds. I’m not as enthralled with the ‘he/she said’ tags as the experts are. To me, this sentence needs more than just an exclamation mark to convey its meaning. It says more if I use a word like ‘warned’ in the attribution.

“Don’t go!” he warned. “Don’t go!” he shouted. “Don’t go!” he screamed. “Don’t go!” he ordered. Warned, shouted, screamed, and ordered are distinct behaviours. They contain important information that will make a big difference to a reader’s understanding of the story.

“Don’t go,” he screamed. The common advice I’ve received is that if I tell you he screamed I don’t need an exclamation mark. However, in my opinion, deleting the exclamation mark delays the emotional connotation too long. By the time readers get to the ‘screamed’ part of the sentence, they’ve already heard the words in their heads—and without an exclamation mark it’s not likely they’ve imagined that the words were spoken loudly. One thing that really frustrates readers is being forced to revise their mental images. Readers want their images to unfold smoothly—like movies playing in their heads.

Purists hate exclamation marks, but how else can I reveal the angst and anger driving my characters’ conversations? How can I accurately describe to my readers, the words of men who have booming, reverberating, baritone voices?

Rearranging the sentence might work to delete the dreaded exclamation mark. What do you think? Which reads smoothest?
He screamed, “Don’t go.”
He screamed, “Don’t go!”

Despite the common advice to severely limit dialogue tags,attributions, beats, creative adverbs,substitutions for "said", and exclamation marks, I use them. Like I said, a large part of my story telling is done with dialogue and it is imperative I convey the emotional intensity accompanying the words.

“Don’t go,” she pleaded.
“Don’t go,” he whispered.
“Don’t! Go!”

Describing nonverbal communication behaviours is a technique that can be used as an alternative to 'he said/she said'. You might notice that this technique fulfills the writer’s mandate to show, not tell. It makes dialogue more dynamic--enabling conversations to advance the plot, deepen characterizations, and help set the scene.

Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Don’t go.”
He clenched his fists and stepped between her and the door. “Don’t go!”
He grabbed her elbow. “Don’t go.”

Whatever your personal beliefs about tags and beats, keep in mind that few things annoy readers more than having to count back through sentences to determine which person is saying what. If a conversation is lengthy and you don’t want to use tags, please use something to clue me in about who is speaking.

He grabbed her elbow. “Don’t go.” (indicating gender can be a clue)
“But, Charles, you know that I must.” (name-dropping works, especially in two-person conversations)
“That ain’t true.” (dialects are a dead give-away)
“It is.” She wiped a curl from her cheek. (Some would call this an example of an ‘action tag’. Be wary of using too many action tags. They can exhaust readers and detract from the dialogue.)
He limped to the window and stared at the traffic below. “Don’t go.” (For variety, throw in some physical clues, habits, scents, etc.)

In a roomful of men, perhaps one smokes, one has a beard, one an accent—distinctive characteristics that can be woven into the conversation in lieu of dialogue tags.

“Don’t go.” A puff of blue smoke followed his words across the room.

I suggest writers quit worrying about the prevalence, benefits, and pitfalls of dialogue tags and just make sure their writing (whether it is dialogue or otherwise) includes a variety of sentence structures and minimal word repetition. Those two things, more than all else, will ensure their writing flows.

For indepth information on techniques for writing great dialogue, read this article by the great Canadian author and book marketing coach, Cheryl Kaye Tardif.
Writing Dialogue That Speaks Volumes

“That’s it for this blog,” Eileen said. She glanced at her watch and grimaced. “I must get to bed before the sun rises.”

* * *
Help! So much is happening all at once and I have to write it one word at a time...
Some tips on writing effective action scenes...coming soon.

Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer

Epiphany

E.piph.a.ny (noun) [i piffbnee]
1. sudden realization
A sudden intuitive leap of understanding, especially through an ordinary but striking occurrence.
Encarta Dictionary: English (North America)

I had intended ‘Magic of the Muses’ to be a blog about my journey towards publication. Instead, it turned into a diary of my Quest to Quit smoking. I reluctantly admitted that my blog was not attracting the attention of editors, writers, agents, and publishers, but rather drawing visits and comments from scientists, from those in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, and from those professing to hold the magic solution to addiction.

As I dealt with the pangs of quitting, I doggedly pursued my efforts to find an agent--pitching my adult novel, “Noraebang.” However, my obsession with cigarettes (or lack thereof) took a toll on my creativity. My writing efforts became limited to short email queries, blog updates on my battle with the butt, and incessant chatter on Quitnet forums.

When I hit day 60 smoke-free, I began proudly offering advice to those less seasoned in their quitting efforts, despite the fact I was becoming increasingly tense about finishing the last of my Champix prescription. It was about then that a Quitnet expert advised me that if I wanted to be a successful quitter, I had to give up my belief that cigarettes were pleasurable.

I didn’t think this was a viable concept as I considered the pleasure derived from nicotine a ‘fact’, not a ‘belief’.

However, I remembered once reading that one should be wary of putting too much faith in facts. Facts change. For example, it was once a fact that man could not journey to the moon. Was the pleasure of smoking a malleable fact like man’s space-travelling abilities? Or was it an unchangeable and forever kind of fact, like 1 + 1 = 2?

During each of my three pregnancies, cigarettes (both mine and others) were obnoxious and nauseating—not really a pleasure. Perhaps there was some flexibility to the fact. Perhaps cigarettes weren’t pleasurable when I was pregnant and weren’t pleasurable to some people, but...if I were to, say, suck back a Player’s Smooth with tomorrow morning’s coffee, could I actually believe that experience would not be pleasurable?

An ad hoc poll of my ex-smoking buddies showed them evenly split between those who believed cigarettes were no longer pleasurable, and those who had no doubts that they were. If I could bring myself to believe that smoking was a disgusting, unsatisfying activity, it would certainly be a fair bit easier to give up my cravings, resist temptation, and get on with a smoke-free life—forever. But was it at all possible?

Was it even sane to convince oneself to believe something that one knows isn’t true? I worried I was doomed to be a slave to nicotine. And all the pain and panic of the past weeks would be for nought.

Then something strange happened.

I opened my eyes one morning, pushed my Pomeranian away from my face, and knew something I hadn’t known when I went to sleep. I immediately panicked.

Although it is eerie that characters visit me, dictate stories to me, boss me around, and argue and stuff, I love writing and their stories are so interesting I find it easy to ignore the freakiness.
But this was different. I simply opened my eyes and my brain had this thought, "Quitting smoking is just like 'Noraebang'".

And I go, “Yeah, like right.” The pom is again licking my face—a sure sign that he needs to go out. I toss him to the floor. Some of the characters in my novel, “Noraebang,” smoke, but as far as I know, none of them quit.

My head insists on explaining the wayward thought, "The addiction--"

"Noraebang isn't about addiction,” I argue, reluctantly pushing back the covers and setting my feet on the floor. “It's about a woman in an abusive relationship." I swing my feet in circles to keep my toes away from the puppy’s tongue.

"And how does it end?"

"Not very well," I think dourly. I shuffle to the door and escort the pup onto the balcony. "I thought the heroine finally saw the villain for what he was in reality, but the moment there's an inkling of a chance that he loves her, Allie is back grovelling at his feet..."

"What was he in reality that she didn’t see?"

"Carbon was a scum bag! He raped her; beat her; abused and used her." I glower out across the leafless treetops. The misty morning autumn air slides under my nightie. I shiver. The pond is still. A lone Canada goose swoops in for a landing.

"Does the scum bag love her?"

"I have no idea. If he does, it certainly doesn't match my definition of love." I think about the ending to the story. I hadn’t wanted that ending. I had wanted my hapless heroine to be intelligent, strong--to be guided by commonsense. I wanted her to discover real love, not remained trapped by her misplaced loyalty to an abusive man.

"Does she love him?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately..." The dog is scratching at the door to go back in.

"Why?"

A flock of geese floats in over the far hill. My lone goose rises to join his brethren. I follow the dog back into the bedroom.

"I don't know why she loves him. His sparkling eyes? Perhaps his deception?”

It wasn’t easy knowing why she loved him. He’d lied to her about his feelings, his motives...lied about everything. I open the bedroom door and puppy runs to find his master. I hear coffee perking. I close the door to the smell of fresh ground Arabica and shuffle to the ensuite.

“At one time,” I point out to myself, “she needed to bond with him to survive. Maybe she's scared of what life will be like without him. Maybe it gives her justification for falling for him in the first place."

"Ahh, I see. Substitute "she" in the preceding conversation with 'Eileen' and "he" with 'cigarettes' and what have you got?"

Does Eileen love cigarettes?

Yeah. Unfortunately...

Why?

I don't know why. Cigarette’s sparking eyes? Perhaps cigarette’s deception? At one time, I needed them. Cigarettes lied to me about their feelings, their motives...lied about everything. Maybe I’m scared of what life will be like without cigarettes. Maybe it gives me justification for starting to smoke in the first place....

Yes, my life surprisingly parallels that of a heroine in a novel I’d written long before I’d even considered giving up cigarettes. I hadn’t known then, hadn’t known until now that entanglement in an abusive relationship was so similar to an addiction.

I stare at my reflection in the vanity mirror. My heroine didn’t learn to ‘unlove’ her abuser as I had wanted, but perhaps I ought to quit loving nicotine and see it for the villainous, dangerous, abusive, enslaving thing that it is. I was beginning to believe it was possible, imperative. I sigh and turn from the mirror.

Now, if only Allie had come to believe Carbon was a no good rotter...

Ephiphany: A sudden intuitive leap of understanding, especially through an ordinary but striking occurrence.

Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer
http://www.eileenschuh.com/

Jan Markley, Dead Frogs, & Getting Published

What’s it like to get your first book published?

For those of us destined (so far) to live vicariously through our fellow writers, I invited Jan Markley to tell it to us like it is. I’m very honoured that she agreed to make time in her busy schedule to share with us the details.

Although Jan has seen her creative non-fiction and humourous personal essays published in the Globe and Mail and West Word (magazine of the Writers Guild of Alberta), "Dead Frog on the Porch" is her debut novel. She describes it as “...a comedic mystery adventure for middle grade readers.” It is the first in the Megabyte Mystery Series.

Jan lives in Calgary, Alberta and is active in the writers’ community through the Writers Guild of Alberta, Young Alberta Books Society and the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. She’s a big believer in writing critiquing groups and has been a member of the Kensington Writers’ Group for several years.

She has a Master of Arts, Social Science degree in Cultural Anthropology. She’s proud of her thesis entitled: “Walking in the Footsteps of our Ancestors”: Present Day Representation of Peigan/Blackfoot Cultural Identity, University of Calgary (2002). She enjoyed researching her thesis at the Peigan First Nation in southern Alberta. In order to feed her keen interest in other cultures, she has travelled extensively, most recently to India.


I asked Jan to compare the pleasure of seeing “Dead Frog on my Porch” published, to the pleasure of writing the novel.

Jan:
“It was important to me that my novel get published as I worked as a professional writer for many years as a journalist. But being a writer is more about who I am as a person than a profession. I have always been a writer.

The writing of the book, the craft, was very important to me. I wanted it to be a well-written novel for middle grade readers aged 8-12 as I think that age group demands a good story. It is gratifying to see the book and to hear what children think of it after they read it.

Eileen: With this question, Jan, I’m looking for some words of encouragement for those of us still waiting for our first book to become a reality. How many rejection letters did you get before you received your first publishing contract?

Jan:
"Many. I documented my ‘how I got published’ story on my blog which is called: Three Dead Moths in my Mailbox: From Finished Manuscript to Book Publishing contract. (To read more , click on this link to Jan's blog (http://janmarkley.blogspot.com/ )

I found the three keys to getting published were rewriting, persistence, and stalking!"

Eileen: Did you come away with anything positive from rejections?

Jan:
"Yes, as you know there is a hierarchy of rejection letters. I sent out queries and then was asked, y a number of publishers and agents, for my full manuscript which was a good sign. Then I began to get long rejection letters outlining what they liked and what was the stumbling block to them publishing it. They would then outline suggested areas for rewriting and ask me to resubmit it. This happened with a couple of publishers so I knew that I was getting closer.

If you find that you get several rejections that mention the same issues, such as plot or character, then you need to look at that seriously.

If you are getting form rejection letters then perhaps you sent the manuscript out too early and need to do a couple more rewrites."

Eileen: How did you learn you were being offered a publishing contract? Tell us about that moment.

Jan:
"It was an email from my publisher Crystal Stranaghan. I wrote about it on my blog as well as in an article for the WGA (Writers Guild of Alberta)"

(To read her account of those breathless first moments click on this link to her blog: It was a cold and lonely Tuesday )

Eileen: After signing the contract, what was the next most exciting thing to happen?

Jan:
"Oh, lots of things, getting a website up, starting a blog, planning a book tour.

The process of going through the substantive editing phase was interesting and helpful, as was the process of going through the galleys and the copy editing stage.

Seeing the book in my hot little hands for the first time was great. The book launches were exciting. And most recently, one of the most exciting things was seeing my book randomly stuffed into my niece’s backpack – just like a regular book!"

Eileen: Your book has been recently published and you are now promoting it. Tell us about the pros and cons of that aspect of your profession.

Jan:
"Well, now I’m a tadpole in a very large pond of literary frogs. As you know, there are many great Canadian writers and I am thrilled to be in their company, and I’ve benefited from their advice over the years.

I think it’s a continual process of looking for opportunities to promote your book and talk to parents, teachers and librarians about it.

I joined a number of organizations such as the Young Alberta Book Society, the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, and I’ve been a member of the Writers Guild for years."

Eileen: Tell us a bit about “Dead Frog on the Porch”.

Jan:
It’s a mystery/adventure for middle-grade readers aged 8-12.

When twin sisters Cyd and Jane are propelled into an international plot that involves evil scientists and giant genetically stretched frogs, the girls are in a suspenseful and hilarious race to save the frog kingdom.

Feeling bad after she accidentally killed her sister’s frog, Cyd gets caught up in Jane’s obsessive search for an answer to the mystery. But first they have to get past their scientist mom who sides with the geneticists, and the police who don’t believe them. The girls use the Internet to track down the culprits, outsmart them with an antidote to the serum, and expose the scientists for the harm they are causing to the frog kingdom.

Slithering out of a near strangulation by a boa constrictor, and a way-to-close-call escape from a plant vault, their safety is in danger as they get up the noses of the scientists. If their love of animals wasn’t enough to motivate them, scratching yet another mosquito bite, the girls discover the link between frogs, the environment and humanity

The modern characters routinely evoke the spirit of Nancy Drew and use technology and old fashioned curiosity to solve the crime. Armed with strong personal convictions about animals and the environment, the characters act on their belief that kids can change the world even if it is one frog at a time.

The novel started as a ‘write an incident from your childhood’ writing exercise, so I wrote about the time I accidently killed my friend Jane’s pet frog. I recently found Jane and blogged about what it was like tracking her down and finding her after all these years. She still has pet frogs and kept them far away from me when I visited!"

Eileen: What is your advice to those of us still seeking a publisher?

Jan:
"Do your homework. I think the biggest mistake writers aspiring to be published make is sending a manuscript out before it is ready. A first draft is just that. Send it through your writers group or your beta readers, then rewrite and rewrite some more.

Learn as much as you can about your craft, and read in the genre you are writing and other genres. My blog is about where writing meets life and where life meets writing and I post about aspects of story development and writing.

Educate your self about the publishing industry. A couple of blogs written by agents are particularly helpful in keeping you informed about what’s going on in the publishing industry – Nathan Bransford and Janet Reid’s blogs."

Eileen: Where can we buy “Dead Frog on my Porch?”

Jan:
"You can get it through Amazon.com or Amazon.ca. You can get it through your local independent bookstore. If you want to order it in for your school, check out Gumboot Books website for more information."

Eileen: When will your next book be out?

Jan:
"The next book in the Megabyte Mystery series is called, "Dead Bird through the Cat Door" and should be available fall 2010 from Gumboot Books."

Eileen: Again, thanks so much, Jan. Doing this interview was truly a thrill for me.


Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer
http://www.eileenschuh.com/

The Circle of Time

This is my 44th consecutive smoke-free day. As my life as a smoker draws to a close, my career as a writer opens wide.

Life is a fabric woven from segments like these--intertwined memories and expectations, beginnings and endings, past, present, future--self and the universe. I am the pattern that emerges from this tapestry of choices and fate, traumas and celebrations, failures and triumphs. As it is with the universe, this pattern that is me is ever changing, ever renewing, ever becoming.

Most writers blog about the use of the semicolon, the proper format for a query letter, the upcoming release of their newest book, the source of inspiration, etc. Likewise, I intended to use "Magic of the Muses" to showcase my skill as a writer, promote the novels I've written, find the agent/publisher I'm seeking. My blog, however, evolved into an intimate diary of my quest to quit smoking.

Between the hours involved in blogging about this quest, and the time spent pacing and eating--distracted by cravings and pain--my writing career seemed to be going nowhere. Yet, in my inbox an email from an agent appeared, requesting a copy of my novel, "Noraebang" to review. Next came a tweet from an American scientist, interested in my tweeted and blogged campaign to quit.

As my nicotine cravings gradually fade along with the need to write about them, my time becomes increasing devoted to cultivating the interest in my writing sparked by "Magic of the Muses".

I am diligently pursuing an agent, preparing queries and answering responses. I'll keep you posted. Perhaps my next blog will be entitled, "Me and my Agent".

Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer
http://www.eileenschuh.com/

Read a preview and excerpt from my novel
"Noraebang"
http://www.eileenschuh.com/noraebang/

The Demons will Die

It's day one. The first Champix pill has been swallowed. The 'Taking my Life Back from Tobacco' quit date has been set-- 1 September, 2009.

I have filled in the first line on my 'Track a Pack' chart--"Cigarette #1 Time? 1:45 pm. Reason? hungry and waiting for lunch to heat." I'm also nervous about announcing the quit date.

I delay posting to my blog. Eat lunch. Surf the web. "Cigarette #2 Time? 2:23 Reason? always have a puff after eating."

My daughter was disappointed I didn't start my prescription yesterday. However, I've learned there is a process that, if followed, substantially increases the chance of successfully kicking the nicotine habit. That process starts with identifying and confronting one's fears about quitting.

I had to feel I was prepared to handle withdrawal symptoms. I had to mentally reinforce my personal reasons for quitting. I had to plan activities to substitute for the pleasure of smoking. I had to understand why I smoked. I had to decide how I'd handle weight gain.

I'd have a much harder time quitting if I were to wait until I was writhing from the agony of withdrawal symptoms before dealing with these issues.

Prior to swallowing that first pill, before I set a quit date and made the announcement, I had to be committed to quitting--body, heart, mind, and soul. I had to be strong and optimistic.

Yesterday, I wasn't. Today--I am.

"Cigarette #3 Time? 3: 20 pm Reason? To celebrate the announcement of my quit date."


click 'comments' below my signature ine to leave your message of encouragement

Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer
http://www.eileenschuh.com/

Some tips for my fans

Thank you all for your tremendous interest in my website, my blog, and my career! I enjoy your feedback immensely!

For those unfamiliar with finding their way around web pages and blogs, I'll highlight some of the user-friendly features of my cyberspace sites.

If you run your cursor over text highlighted in green and click, you will be taken to the page, site, article, or link that you clicked on. The 'back' arrow on your browser will return you to the page you left.

Under some of my postings, like my blog posts and my "Did you know..." posts, you will see "comment" in small,green letters. If you click on the word 'comment' you can read comments left by others. If you scroll to the bottom of the comments, you will find a place where you can enter your own comment.

To sign my guestbook on my website, click on 'Guestbook'. If you scroll to the bottom of the postings by other guests, you will find a place to enter your own comments. When it asks you to fill in 'author's name' that is your name and it will appear with your message. Once your message is posted, you can't delete it or change it. However, I can. If you click on "contact Eileen" you can send me an email, say hello to me, and ask me to edit your post.

I invite you to return often to my sites, as I frequently add new material and my visitors are always leaving new comments and messages.

Thank you all for your support!

Eileen Schuh,
Canadian writer
www.eileenschuh.com