Monday, September 13, 2010

You know you're a crime novelist when...

The top ten traits of a crime novelist:

10. When you don’t answer the phone because you’ve just stepped out of the shower you worry for the rest of the day that the robber who called to ensure no one was at home is going to show up on your doorstep–or in your basement.

9. When you see the flashers of a cop car behind you, you’re pretty sure they are pulling you over to ask for your help in solving a major crime

8. You are certain that at some point in your life you are going to discover human remains and it won’t be in a funeral home or a graveyard

7. You know the number for Crime Stoppers and have to resist calling in tips on what murder investigators ought to be doing. You also want to read them your list of suspects.

6. You think your novel is more exciting and more realistic than that "other author’s" True Crime books.

5. You vehemently deny that you ever wanted a ‘real’ career in law enforcement. And you lock all your doors and are in bed by 10:00 pm–unless you are in the middle of writing an exciting scene. In which case you go to bed two hours before your alarm goes off.

4. You believe you would be a good candidate for the next Commander in Chief of the RCMP and are a bit disappointed when no one calls.

3. You believe that cops are simply engaging in an grand conspiracy of denial when they say real-life policing is not nearly as exciting as it is on TV.

2. The lady crossing the street in a wheelchair looks suspicious to you.

AND...the top trait of a Crime novelist:

You think publishers are rejecting your manuscripts because they are afraid either the police or organized crime will come after them if they print your novels

Eileen Schuh
Author "Schrodinger's Cat"


Cheryl Tardif said...

LMAO! Great post, Eileen.

One more: you know you're a crime writer when people ask you what you do for a living and you reply, "I kill people off."


Cheryl Kaye Tardif,
bestselling crime author

aka Cherish D'Angelo,
award-winning romantic suspense author

aka someone who kills people off for a living.

Eileen Schuh: said...

Oh my, Cherish. I wish you hadn't posted that part about killing people. Now the FBI are going to be monitoring (and maybe even intercepting) my cyberspace activities...(Just Kidding!) Thanks, Cheryl, for visiting and good luck with the launching of your hot new romance Lancelot's Lady